If you are bored or stuck in a rut in one aspect of your life, it might extend into other areas.
Bored at work; bored at home? Bored in your relationship; bored in life? How about changing things up?
Face it, if you think you are in need of a change, it was probably true several months ago. The average person is slow to act on change especially life change. In single men, I have found that they make relationship changes only after 2-3 months of thinking about it. Turns out it about the same for job changes. However, career changes are much slower. I suspect it is the fear factor and the its-not-gonna-be-fun factor that slows action.
In an ideal world, we would always be changing and experiencing new things. Guess what? Everyday is different from yesterday. So we already are experiencing new things daily. We just are not tuned in. Why? Often we are living in the past to some extent and projecting into the future the rest of the time. Many of us are plagued by the Coulda-Woulda-Shoulda self-defeating (negative) thinking. While reflection is not a bad thing, living in the past prevents us from making changes. A primary tenet in coaching is to make sure the client is moving towards goals, plans and dreams....not away from.
So in this very moment, are you looking towards or away from your dreams?
What I want to encourage you to do is embrace change. Fear is only real when you are faced with it; otherwise, it is just worry. Worry is something only us intelligent animals do to ourselves to add to our misery. Fact: Only humans get ulcers Animals don't. Face the music. If you are bored and stuck in a rut, YOU are the only person who can change that. Friends and family may care about you but they (not for lack of trying) cannot change you until you are willing.
“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself" --- Mahatma Gandhi
Change best starts out small. But first appreciate what is around already. Take stock of the good things in your life. It better to start out with a fresh positive perspective before making changes. As you change, you will want to make sure the good stuff is still around. Of course, you can take stock of the negative/bad things around you. Add them to the list of things that you hope to change directly or indirectly.
For example, I have worked with clients whose relationship got better after coaching for a career change. We did not do any relationship coaching. This acknowledges a flaw in (some) men where we associate our success and happiness in work to all things in life. For men especially, our perspective of work can taint our relationship perspective.
If you are inclined, write down the good things in your life on a slip of paper, cut them up and put them in something. This is often called a gratitude jar. On bad days, you can pull out a slip randomly. Hopefully, it helps reset your attitude to gratitude so you can focus on the changes you are choosing to make.
Lean into Things
In order to accept change, you have to be able tolerate some discomfort and vulnerability. I know this is antithetical for the manly men in the world. Get over it. Most ladies can handle being vulnerable. Change means delving into new things where you may not be the resident expert or good at it. For example, imagine a client who desired to improve his golf game so he set his goal on entering into an amateur golf match. Because he was never a great golfer, he did not play regularly but he still had a regret for NOT trying. Oh yeah, he had never taken any golf lessons! In order to reach his goal, he had to face the inevitable golf pro for lessons.
He struggled for several lessons such that the pro suggested he discontinue. Then the client in a moment of desperation (and vulnerability) told the golf pro his goal. Bingo, the golf pro changed his approach to lessons and taught him how to play the game instead of just the mechanics of golf. He had numerous epic failures on the golf course along the way. And he did reach his goal. No he didn't win. But his experience was priceless and will carry him forward in life. In fact, it was a huge motivator for him throughout his coaching experience. Let into tough things and rejoice on the other side
"No pain, no gain" --- unknown
Get Over Yourself
Another one for being vulnerable. If you are not comfortable with your body image, this needs to be included your list of changes needed. If your health status is not where you want it to be, put it on the list, too. Whatever your flaws are, you see them (obsess about?) far more acutely than anyone else. The good news is that when you start to feel comfortable in your own body, you feel successful. Success in one change breeds success in other changes. It could be that other positive changes occur earlier, faster and easier than body or health goals. Every ounce of success is one notch of confidence towards all your efforts. It's a snowball effect! Build a foundation of success from which to springboard to the next tough challenge. Don't sabotage yourself with negative thinking. Get over yourself.
Set Your Circle of Trust
People that make successful life changes are not alone. Surround yourself with those that are going to support you. I call mine the circle of trust. I truly trust those people that I allow into my life to know what is going on with me. When I need support, I know who I can trust to be there to support me. I think of my circle of friends like a target. I'm the bullseye. My circle of trust is the next ring out from me. Rings beyond that are important people nonetheless but I have not identified them (aka vetted them) to be truthworthy and supportive. I can add/drop people from my circle of trust as my needs are met or not met. It's okay to be selfish here.
There is an old saying (truth!) that behind every man is a good woman. Behind you, you need to have good people and you are more likely to be successful in your endeavors. If you are unsure of your circle of trust, you may need to approach those people and share what you are doing and ask them for their support. You may be amazed at the responses. Don't be afraid to reconnect with old friends, either. In general, I have found most people will champion you trying to improve yourself and are flattered to be included. Those are the folks you want. You may be the inspiration they need to improve their own lives. The scary part is letting them in because you are somewhat accountable to them to succeed, too.....not just yourself.
The circle of trust are your fans in the stands!
Unfortunately, you may have some negative folks in you sphere that you cannot afford to have in your circle of trust. The best thing is to just leave them out and let them be awed by your changes. I chose to leave an important family member out of one of my significant life changes. It was hard but necessary.
I'm making changes in my life so if you don't hear from me, you are one of them. --- unknown
Your First Change (Goal)
Make your first change something you already know you can be success at. Give yourself a small reward, too. In fact, as you accomplish significant tasks or difficult tasks, make sure you celebrate for yourself. Celebrate with others especially your circle of trust folks. I know I have set monetary or materialistic rewards for myself in achieving certain goals. I've had mixed results.
For example, I set a weight-loss goal and a reward to buy myself something. My thinking was that I would save money by eating less junk, eating out less often and (of course) eating healthier is cheaper. I instantly sabotaged myself. I ate out just as much because eating out was a social need to connect with friends. Healthier eating is not cheaper. I actually shopped more often since veggies have a short shelf life. I did eat less junk food but by substitution, I ate healthier foods. The result was the money savings I was counting on to buy my treasure never manifested itself.
I accomplished my goal but my intended reward was not obtainable. Bummed. So think your rewards through carefully. But you must absolutely reward yourself and celebrate. As a coach, I make sure my clients celebrate each accomplishment. It's confidence in the bank every time. Confidence that can be drawn from when the road gets rocky.
Be Resilent, Be Flexible
Any change is unpredictable. Stuff happens. You will be more successful making life changes if you build in some flexibility and become resilient to things that may upset your goals. Sidebar: Resilency or lack of is a common theme in my counseling practice. Whatever your goal is, think through what the obstacles may be and think (or write down) what the action plan will be if said obstacle manifests itself in your hard work. Expect to be derailed along the way but do not be defeated!
"Those who fail to plan, plan to fail" --- Benjamin Franklin
Expecting problems is not negative thinking, it is positive planning. I usually chuckle at myself when looking back at some of the points of failure I anticipated in doing a task. However, I am wired mentally to plan for missteps. That's what consultants do for clients and that's what I do as a coach with my clients. Yet, stuff really does happen that we don't think/anticipate for. Resilient folks, adapt and move on. As a coach, I brainstorm with clients on new, different approaches that are still aligned with their goals, plans and dreams. Sometimes new tasks are identified and re-prioritized ahead of their current goal. No big deal. The ability to reset and re-launch is key.
Now, got forth and start living the life and living the dreams....one change at a time. Keep calm and call a coach. Hey, I know one!
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